Never A Happy Ending
Over a Beer a Psychologist once told me...that there are only a few that he never understood,
and the worst out of the whole lot,
was that Little Miss Red Riding Hood.
She told him lies and would often storm of in a huff,
from day one he knew... 'this little girl was going to be tuff'.
She told him how...she would cut with a knife,
any Wolf... that would dare give her any strife.
This bitterness she carried with her...through out her whole life,
she never once found love...or was to become someones wife.
In old age... her good vision was lost,
and to this...any poor four legged creature, with its life...would unfortunately pay the cost.
Stuck growing old...as a little fairytale girl,
she ended up going insane...claiming everything had a Wolf like smell.
Then she got institutionalised...when she thought granny was a Wolf...and threw her down the Well.
With more beer...the Psychologist...more tales, he started to tell,
Then there was Prince Charming....who never really got over his shock,
of what he found hidden...underneath Cinderellas frock.
The prince knelt beside cinders, wear she did sit,
and tried the shoe upon her foot...to find it...a perfect fit.
He thought he had finally found...his fairy-tail princess,
until she told him, that her real name... was Les.
Dressed as a girl and named Cinderella,
no-one would have ever guessed...she was actually a fella.
The bewildered Prince was left not knowing what to do,
as no other women could ever fit into that size 12 shoe.
So they did get married...but before the wedding night,
The prince orderd his bedroom windows to be bricked up...and the removal of the electrical light.
Years of living in darkness, did eventully take its toll,
with poor cinders growing older, every day she was looking more like a troll.
Then one day...the prince discovered what he had always feared,
that cinders had stopped shaving...and was now growing a beard.
That was for him... the final straw,
he lost the plot...and was sectioned... when he could take no more.
'Then' the psychologist said 'there was The Three Bears, they were just full of numb stares...no interaction at all,
I asked them often...of the event...do you recall '
To this they just mumbled 'that the porridge had been eaten',
and that their... 'bellys were not full'.
Traumatised and still in shock,
All he could do was to advise them...to fit a new door lock.
Vertigo overcome Jack and Jill,
both afraid of heights...they never again went back up that hill,
the pale of water did run dry,
their irrational fear...not dehydration, is what made them both die.
Then there was...this lonely pig,
he would walk around dressed as a man...sometimes even wearing a wig.
Scared in public to show his face,
to the shelter of his brick built home, he would panic and race.
Stalked by The Big Bad Wolf every day,
in the end his sanity did pay.
He became a recluse and never went out,
who ever came to the door... he would shout,
'Go away...just leave me be,
what ever you have..I do not want to see.'
Then one day whilst quickly collecting wild Oats,
he was taken away...by four men in a van...all wearing white coats.
I hope you all now see...these fairytale`s of happy endings... can never be,
they never can end so nice,
as someone sanity...always, in the end...pays the price.
James Irwin's Other Poems
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