No More Beginnings Poem by RoseAnn V. Shawiak

Alone in a familiar world, I wonder what has happened to make me grow older.
Parents both are gone with very little reminder.
It numbs me with the pain of their passing.
Wanting to reach out to them and hold them close, but how can you hug their deadened ghosts?
Where are the words, 'I love you', felt so deeply here inside?
I feel, but can not speak to them for they are no longer here.
Where is the past I once knew with them alive and living here beside me?
What has happened to our love now? Where has it gone?
Can I ever see my parents or hold them or talk to them like I used to?
Why does death have to be so total? So permanent for those we love?
Once, long ago, happiness prevailed on occasion and brought us closer together.
Lord, why can't I be with my parents anymore? I love them so much that my heart is tearing apart.
Is nothing ever able to be held close to my heart without it's dying?
Why then, must I continue living, while everyone else dies around me?
Let me die also, I have no desire to stay here alone among people who are strangers.
I need love, I need my parents, even if only to say 'Hi Mom, what's to eat'? Or, 'Hi Dad, can you take me shopping'?
Lord, I don't need much in the way of anything, but Lord, my parents, why did you have to take them from me so soon?
I was just beginning to know them. I love them Lord. I just can't go on living anymore.
They were all I had, Lord. Mom and Dad. Nothing more. Just the two of them.
Crying from bottomless pits, there is no end to my sorrow, I must detach myself if I am expected to live - I have no other choice if you do not take me also, now.
Lord, I look out and see me - my eye with a tear in it, just open and so very sad.
So sad, that it cannot even fall for fear it will be too much for this child to endure.
For it will unleash the sorrow with a fury never known before.
A sorrow turned to anger, turned to hate.
I'm puzzled - it has me floored. Lord, the sadness I embrace is too much for me to handle.
The only thing that I can ever possibly do is to push it in the back of my mind and split myself in two.
Keeping the hurt and sorrow hidden always and forever from view, because otherwise I will fall totally apart and lie broken among sinews of the past.
With no future at all ever to grasp again.
Lord, where can I go now that my beginnings are both dead?