Nothing nothing just thinking thoughts
Sometimes I'm thinking about the roles and an intuition that there's something in them that I always feel a need to complain about. It's what we do for others that may so easily define us and if what we do is good make us better people - parental role eg. is the best cure for egoism provided that one is a normal parent. Still, I wonder how come we've become so many things at the same time- parents, friends, colleagues, business partners, lovers, leaders, fighters…reminds me of an onion that's very hard to peel when it comes to all the layers the eyes wet cannot see a core layer, a central one. And it also makes me wonder why we need all of them, we cannot blame it only on the complexity of living as well as which one will swallow the rest of the personality as it seems inevitable to sacrifice other roles for the main one at least in certain periods of life.
It's very hard to play them at the same time, multitasking is a synonym of civilizational disease which is why sometimes the seams of personality tear and persona ends up lying in psychiatric arms. There's nothing cynical in this just an underlying though that there are no abnormal people but merely an abnormal ‘circumstances' that bring about a ‘normal' reactions.
I've noticed (please, correct me if I am wrong) that those who are terrified of solitude easily become somebody's friends, usually actually friends to many people. They cannot spend a single minute on their own, always busy sms-ing facebooking sipping cofee in a local bar…and always complaining about being betrayed by their friends.
Things may change of course once they've become parents, they may easily redirect their energy into children upbringing and just as well may easily choke their development. And eventually be shocked by their children's betrayal and ungratefulness (we've done everything for them, never thought of ourselves-does this ring a bell?)
Things may change of course they've become leaders and fighters, they may easily redirect their energy into making the world a better place, a benevolent and a harmless role unless they sacrifice those who dearly love them in the name of, ironically love of all the humanity.
(I'm just thinking how easy it is to love humanity in an abstract way, especially if one can click it off and on in their virtual world, send messages of love and peace and understanding to humanity when it best suits one's time or mood in a relationship when one is totally in control of communication and one can dose it in compliance with (what a term!) the situation (wow another one!)
Things may change once they've become business partners…dedicated lovers…and stretch the implications of I'm not doing anything for myself endlessly.
In a way roles are o.k. provided one picks up those that are basically harmless. Still, there is one thing that remains unclear to me, that is- how much of the personality will survive them and where exactly I fit in the whole story for I don't think I'm an exception to the rule of playing no matter how hard I try to preserve the innermost intact. And the rule is sometimes ironically spelled in a credo ‘be yourself' or ‘be true to yourself' declaimed by so many.
Miroslava Odalovic's Other Poems
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