Mark R Slaughter

Phlebotomist (not for the squeamish)

My antecubital vein -
I surrender it now unto you:
Feel free to aim your great lance -
Here's now hoping you know what to do!

That needle's wide and so blunt:
Will my vein stand the might of that stab?
She yanks the tourniquet tight:
Here it comes - will I faint? One-two jab!

Oo-agh! Oo-ahg! Oo-oo-ahg!
Flipping missed! Now I'm out on the floor.
But after clearing my head,
I then ease my poor self through the door.

‘Now steel your mind - don't be coy! '
That old vampire just screeches with chill,
‘You moved your arm silly man!
Now just sit in the chair and be still! '

She glared with glee through dark eyes,
As she poked at my poor little vein:
‘Aha! A tramline I see -
Now then, stay still and just take the pain.'

Then swoosh! The needle drives through,
But slides out of my arm as I yell:
‘That's air you're drawing, not blood! '
What to do with this butcher from Hell?

Her face was wild with crazed joy -
She just wanted to torture me now:
At least my mind told me so:
Dominatrix was she; blood-lust cow!

By now my face was deep grey,
As I pondered upon this mad farce:
Aha! I know what to do…
And I rammed a syringe up her a**se!

Copyright © Mark R Slaughter 2009

Submitted: Saturday, March 07, 2009
Edited: Saturday, February 16, 2013

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Comments about this poem (Phlebotomist (not for the squeamish) by Mark R Slaughter )

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  • Bri Edwards (2/11/2013 3:03:00 AM)

    i'll save this one. and to think i fell, for half a second, for the misspelling of faint. good thing i've seen boxing portrayed in movies. good one, mark. i like getting my veins punctured. unfortunately my wife restricts the number of times i do it to 3-4 a year. my daughter became a doctor even thought she grew up being squeamish at the sight of blood. she started donating blood while in undergrad school to get used to the idea. she also didn't learn to swallow pills until college days. ...............blood-lust cow / very nice! ! (Report) Reply

  • Ivor Hogg (3/15/2009 5:42:00 PM)

    Your humour relieves anxiety about phlebotomists I find tests a bloody nuisance (Report) Reply

  • Marie Shine (3/7/2009 9:09:00 AM)

    I just LOVE this poem Mark, so funny and witty through out and VERY well written but I have to admit it is the last line which gave me immeasurable pleasure and forced me to laugh out loud. Excellent poem. A 10+++++++++++++++++++++++
    THANK YOU for sharing this with me. (Report) Reply

Read all 3 comments »

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