Tanka-1 Poem by Bharati Nayak

Awesome imagery and nice feelings....A season to cherish...10+++

I think you should drop the OF in the last line, so the last two lines are one unified image, also it gives the effect of a crescendo that despite the seasonal changes of Dark Clouds and summer's end, you can have a lasting summer inside you where all is and will remain green. This is really a blessed state to be in, but you present it in a true Japanese ZEN manner in understated language. One Zen master summed up the discipline this way: BEFORE ENLIGHTENMENT: FIRST, MEDITATION, THEN DO LAUNDRY. AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT: FIRST, MEDITATION, THEN DO LAUNDRY. Of course, you are using poetic images instead of prose directions, but your poem displays the same humility, which to my mind fulfills the Japanese nature of a tanka. But Fabrizio is the master of formal aspects of a tanka. If I have a question about I go to him for the answer

Feelings change with changing seasons. When the severity of summer harshness lessens, it certainly has a positive effect on the heart. You have beautifully put the subtle change of weather n feelings in this marvelous piece.10

The tanka is a form which you have mastered, and I want to write more of these myself. As I read it, you are writing about autumn, a season which you like. It is my favorite season also.

Summer withdrawn Dark blue Clouds marching Across the sky Green in every corner My heart comes alive a iovely poen. Thanks for sharimg. 10++++++

i like this, bharati! the last two lovely lines make this about much more than a weather event and make this poem resonate. here in new mexico we have monsoon pattern rains. albuquerque where i live gets nine inches of rain in a good year. so dances to summon rains are common among pueblo peoples and naturally enough, a resident here for more than forty years, i've written several poems on the subject. if you're interested, among them are refresh, o God; fat clouds; huge dark clouds; rain prayer; and snail mornings. all the best to you! glen

Rainy season after hot summer, has always been attractive for the lovers. A beautiful poem nicely penned.

Nature! ! With the muse of life across the sky. Nice work.