veeraiyah subbulakshmi

Those Birds!

What a beautifully mesmerizing sight,
When the birds fly with might,
The fleet that flies fast,
The sequence of the steps very perfect,

From one corner to another with graceful swift,
Those beautifully colored birds flying in the vast,
Majestically painted canvas back ground,
None can bring them down with their shoots,

Of verbal canons of gunpowder blasts,
Let them fly in the glamor and enjoy the poignant air,
When I look at them with my eyes wide open,
What a beautiful sight that these drawn birds,

Pose to me all their entire life, not get tired,
I am looking for those wonderful hands,
That mixed the rainbow colors in the palette,
I may take those creative hands to my eyes,
To worship for painting the picture of birds, gorgeous.

Submitted: Friday, June 28, 2013
Edited: Friday, June 28, 2013

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  • Veteran Poet - 3,896 Points Bri Edwards (9/25/2014 11:23:00 PM)

    i have a poem comment from you waiting for me to read. but i thought i would read one of yours first. as valsa george can tell you, i have a habit of making suggestions to other poets in my comments sometimes, and it is often to poets who i suspect of not using english as their 'first' language (as good as their english may be) . so here are some suggestions, and other comments for you. let me know if i step on your toes too much in public; if i do i shall try to remember to use private messages in the future for most or all other 'suggestions' i might have.

    From one corner to another with graceful swift,
    Those beautifully colored birds flying in the vast, ..... i like these lines but would use he nouns swiftness and vastness; swift and vast would be adjectives i believe, though a swift is a kind of bird also.

    i suppose you could be using vast as an adjective of background (one word) , but, if so, i would not put a comma after vast.

    in my english experience in america for over 60 years, i would use shots or shooting, not shoots.

    Of verbal canons or Or verbal canons? your use of commas at the end of almost every line, instead of what i would call traditional prose punctuation, is misleading to me at times. and check out what i copied from a google selection 'canon vs cannon'. i believe they are pronounced the same way.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    A rule or especially body of rules or principles generally established as valid and fundamental in a field or art or philosophy

    Canons of polite society

    A large artillery gun that is usually on wheels

    Armies no longer use cannons
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    at first i thought you were speaking of actually seeing live birds fly over you in the sky, using canvas back ground [sic] figuratively. now i've decided that you really are speaking of a painted picture. yes, sometimes paintings are more beautiful than the real thing, and they last longer.

    thanks for sharing. :) bri

    my favorite stanza is the first one. :) (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 12,662 Points Valsa George (7/2/2013 6:53:00 AM)

    This is indeed a beautiful poem dexterously drawn on your canvas of poetic imagination! Enjoyed! (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,966 Points Valerie Dohren (6/30/2013 10:27:00 AM)

    You paint a beautiful scene on your poetical canvas. As a bird lover, your poem delights me. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 781 Points Thomas A Robinson (6/29/2013 2:07:00 AM)

    You paint a beautiful sight with words that are full of color and action.
    I can see you raising you hand to point as a flock spirals as if one entity.
    A poem that comes alive in me. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,543 Points Tirupathi Chandrupatla (6/28/2013 10:27:00 AM)

    Let the beauty of bird flight be not left only in paintings and photographs.Let shooting be only with cameras and eyes. Thank you for a beautiful poem. Please also read my poems 'Bird's Lament' and 'Birds Missing' when you have time. Thank you. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,505 Points Dinesh Nair (6/28/2013 9:05:00 AM)

    You have re captured certain moments of an otherwise extinct world.
    What a rendering too Madam Subbalakshmi! ...

    I am back im the PH and thank you for tracing me. Let us be like we were earlier responding to our writes mutually. (Report) Reply

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