Wedding Sermon At The Church Of Material Marriages Poem by Travis Snell

Blah, blah, blah and halleluiah!
Can I get an “amen? ! ”
Ladies and gentlemen we are gathered here today
To celebrate the union of these two in…not so holy matrimony!
Yes, today we see just how strong the bond between this woman and her credit card can be!
Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Church of Material Marriages!
Where you can marry whatever it is you truly love the most in this world:
Your credit card.
Maybe for you sir, your sports car?
For you, boy, your trombone?
For you, young lady, your cell phone?
Ladies and gentlemen, look what we got!
This woman and her credit card, till death will they shop!
‘Til they drop!
And they ain’t goan stop!
Unless of course he gets maxed out,
But worry not! No doubt,
He’s platinum.
What can a young lady do with an endless line
Of credit and a love to last her a lifetime? !
For sure she’ll be lookin’ fine
As wine,
And she’ll dine
On fine
Cuisine,
On the French Riviera,
And no doubt her new lover will pick up the check.
And once you go plastic you never go back! No more cash
For you missy. Throw that checkbook in the trash!
And now, by the power vested in me, by the great state of Shopaholics for Life
I now pronounce you card and wife.
Ma’am, you may now swipe the card.