Why I'm Not Married Poem by Randy McClave

If I had a girlfriend in my life
She would try constantly to be my wife,
She would nag me until the days end
Wanting to be my spouse and not just a girlfriend.
She would buy herself a wedding dress
While waiting impatiently to say, "Yes",
And she would undoubtedly drop the hints often
Wanting to be married before the coffin.
Why would I want or need a bride
And why would I want her constantly at my side,
I truly enjoy the arrangement as it is now
Why buy the milk, when I can rent the cow.
I love the current arrangement as I now have it
Because, it is all about me being happy I admit,
I don't have to worry about someone else's worries or pain
And I don't ever want to wear a ball and chain.
Currently I don't get yelled at for keeping the toilet lid up
And my bathrooms are not cluttered with makeup,
I don't have to make the bed immediately when I awaken
And for breakfast I can always have my sausage and bacon.
I don't have to remember any special days or anniversaries
And never again will I need to look for nurseries,
And the furniture in my house I do not need to change
Nor need I need to paint or decorate or rearrange.
I currently can invite anyone that I want to come to my house
I couldn't do that if I had a spouse,
And I can go out wherever that I want to
And I can always do whatever that I want to do.
The only luggage in my house is my very own
If there is pain and suffering in my house it is only me to moan,
And of course I don't want to hear another person's problem
And I don't want to examine them or to solve them.
I choose the clothes that I want to wear
I don't ever have to worry about being a matching pair,
And it's easier and cheaper to just have regret and remorse
Than being unhappily married and getting a divorce.

Randy L. McClave