A great man
was hurt today.
sadness.
I took a walk,
my grandfather.
awareness.
my heart beats,
darker shades.
a princess.
In the end
we're all the same
priceless.
I hear a silent patriotic prayer... feelings concealed.4th July speaks volumes. honest write 10+ Rema
David, I liked the way you used your words carefully, sparsely, meting out each phrase in nearly a stingy way. I talk a lot about poets 'boiling down their poems' until only the crystal is left. You have done this quite well. It is a startling and unusual fourth of July poem. Raynette
This leaves me with such a heavy feeling, David. Instinct, intuition, something tells me that the sparseness of your words here was very much by design (conscious or unconscious) and, I think, may well have been the reason this made it to the page at all. There is much more here than meets the eye, I believe - invisible words lingering between (or underneath, perhaps) those that you've allowed the reader to be privy to. I'd guess that you alone know the full extent of what is here. I cannot, though, stop myself from being so bold as to suggest that others... can feel it. Potent piece, really. Holidays can be such tragic undertakings for the pained and/or the poetic. I have myself suffered my fair share. Christine
good wordings...good structure...a poem with poise and grace...
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
Nicely done on the structure, and I like the way you worded it, flowed! Thanks for sharing