Amine Fadil


Cutting Cold & Gigantic Goals


No sunny songs, or fine fellows,
The sightless silence, and the shaking shadows,
From time to time, within winter's calm midnights,
Barking dim dogs, and doomed drunk fellows
Reign rainy roads.

The room's watchful walls, and the luminous light is on -
Preset preparation for exhausting exams marches on.
The piercing pain, and the cutting cold
Dragoon me the weary work to halt,
And to embrace the blanket's wonderful warmth.

Worthless, dark, and cruel.
Life is null with no dreams, and goals.
Sixty, or seventy years old,
You are never too old to live dreams,
And achieve gigantic goals.

Submitted: Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Edited: Sunday, August 31, 2014

Topic of this poem: Dreams


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  • Bronze Star - 5,494 Points Daniel Brick (9/17/2014 2:36:00 PM)

    You invented a striking metaphor to identify yourself as a poet, namely, WORDS' KNIGHT, for what are we poets if not knights of the words on a quest for the deeper and wider meanings we can find, express in verse and give to
    others. This poem came to you at a tense time with many stresses in your life, including exams. I'm reeminded that the American poet Robert Frost said poems are places of order we create in a chaotic world. That's what your poem does: it tells the truth about your situation, which is a stressful place, but then it presents itself as a shining example of the creativity with which you will prevail over that situation. I feel stronger for having read it! (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,896 Points Bri Edwards (8/27/2014 8:13:00 PM)

    i am sending comments to you in a message about your use of the words dim, drank, and reign.

    Preset preparations for exhausting exams marches on. .... i feel that the preparations are marching, so since preparations is plural i would use march, not marches...........as in soldiers march on vs. a soldier marches on.
    =====================
    speaking of soldiers...........i have heard the noun dragoon rarely (very rarely!) , and i don't remember EVER hearing dragoon used as a verb, BUT i did find these definitions for it as a verb; i doubt you will hear american-born americans using the word.

    2 dragoon
    verb
    Definition of DRAGOON
    transitive verb
    1
    : to subjugate or persecute by harsh use of troops
    2
    : to force into submission or compliance especially by violent measures
    See dragoon defined for English-language learners »
    Examples of DRAGOON

    [she was dragooned into agreeing to the fraudulent scheme]

    First Known Use of DRAGOON
    1689
    Related to DRAGOON

    Synonyms
    blackjack, coerce, compel, constrain, force, drive, impel, impress, make, muscle, obligate, oblige, press, pressure, sandbag
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    my favorite line so far:

    And to embrace the blanket's wonderful warmth. ....i like to sleep! :)
    ==================
    at first i did not understand why you would write:

    Life is null with no dreams, and goals. .............that is because i misunderstood how to read it. i'm sure now that you want it to mean that life is null *** (the use of null sounds funny/strange to me here, but look at the definition i've pasted below and it can make sense) if it doesn't have dreams and goals [i wouldn't use the comma after dreams.] i suggest writing Life is null [worthless? ; meaningless? ] WITHOUT dreams and goals.

    *** null
    n?l/
    adjective
    adjective: null

    1.
    having no legal or binding force; invalid.
    the establishment of a new interim government was declared null and void
    synonyms: invalid, null and void, void;
    annulled, nullified, canceled, revoked
    their marriage was declared null
    antonyms: valid
    2.
    having or associated with the value zero.
    Mathematics
    (of a set or matrix) having no elements, or only zeros as elements.
    lacking distinctive qualities; having no positive substance or content.
    his curiously null life
    synonyms: invalid, null and void, void; More
    annulled, nullified, canceled, revoked
    their marriage was declared null
    antonyms: valid

    noun
    literary
    noun: null; plural noun: nulls

    1.
    a zero.
    a dummy letter in a cipher.
    Electronics
    a condition of no signal.
    a direction in which no electromagnetic radiation is detected or emitted.

    verb
    Electronics
    verb: null; 3rd person present: nulls; past tense: nulled; past participle: nulled; gerund or present participle: nulling

    1.
    combine (a signal) with another in order to create a null; cancel out.
    ================================
    ===============================
    ok, now that i've given you some pointers as requested, i'll comment on the poem other than the word usage.

    it sounds like you were trying to avoid more late-night studying for exams. it was a late, gloomy, rainy night with only dogs and drunks on the streets. you (or whoever was speaking) had physical or mental pain and were cold. what a combination! the warm bed, or soon-to-be-warmed-by-your-body bed was beckoning. i get the picture. i used to take naps during the afternoons in college and still sleep at night. no wonder i flunked out! ! !
    BUT you have goals and dreams in life for which you will sacrifice some sleep and warmth, until it is just too late and too cold to resist the blanket! ! ! and you believe that one is never too old to have dreams and to accomplish great goals.

    i nice spelling out of a philosophy for living, with extra information thrown in for good measure.

    i did like the pairing of words with same consonants in the first two stanzas. it could be a fun exercise in elocution. i think elocution will work there. i'm glad you stopped having so much fun while writing the final stanza. unfortunately i did not enjoy it the first time i read it as i was too busy critiquing it.

    i look forward to reading more of your english writing as you build up your knowledge and skills of my native language. good work. thanks for sharing. bri :) (Report) Reply

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