Susan Sparks

(July 8,1957 / Fort Leavenworth, Kansas)

He's A Neat Freak Freakin' Out


Neat freak freakin' out:
This describes my husband- there is no doubt
That he drives me utterly deranged
With all his nit-pickin'
neatly-arranged

Habits that I could do without.
It's a real good thing that I'm a devout
Follower of his.
If I weren't, this would really pizz

Me off.
If that's not bad enough
When he gets up out of bed
I'd better get up too.

If I don't then I risk him
Making the bed with me in it.
How much more of this
Can I take?

Sometimes I wonder
If I made a big mistake
When I married this man
Who is a real butt ache.

Did he go to school to become
A nit-pickin' neat-freakin'
lint-picker?
The next time he gripes
About all the clutter

I will tell him not to utter
Another word
Because his strict habits are so absurd
That maybe I should consider divorce.

Of course,
If he doesn't lay off his neurotic ways
Then one of these days
I'm gonna do something really drastic.

Like pull out all my hair.
My God, this are not fair.
Oh no I'd better correct my grammar
Because if I don't then he will clamor

And roar so loud
That my ears will ring.
There's nothing worse
I have to sing...

Than a neat freak freakin' out.

Submitted: Wednesday, April 02, 2014
Edited: Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Topic(s): Humor


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Poet's Notes about The Poem

I'm happy to say that this is a humorous poem about my NOW ex-husband.

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