Ron Tranmer


How Old Am I?


Someone asked how old I am,
and this was my reply;
"I'm about as old as the dirt
that'll cover me when I die."

I'm the oldest dead person living,
according to Guinness's book.
A record once held by a bible guy,
but one from him I took.

Friends who have all gone before
wonder if they should fret.
They think I've likely gone to hell,
‘cause I'm not in heaven yet.

I have grandkids in rest homes.
They don't mind it there.
But when I go to visit
you should see the people stare.

Went to a senior Citizen's club
‘til the day that I was told,
"Sorry, but you can't come back
because you're too damn old."

At my last birthday party,
all the candles lit the sky
Fourteen cakes to hold ‘em all…
Three fire trucks stopped by..


So, you want to know how old I am?
Well, that's just too dang bad
At my age I can't remember squat,
and really….I'm kinda' glad.

Submitted: Tuesday, March 06, 2012

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Comments about this poem (How Old Am I? by Ron Tranmer )

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  • Adeline Foster (8/4/2012 1:31:00 PM)

    Hey, hey, hey, Sounds like me, and I really am trying for the record. Read mine - I Cannot Return -
    Adeline (Report) Reply

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