I Still Remember The Day I Died Poem by Mangesh Sonawane

I still remember the day I died
Over my corpse no body cried.
Not a whisper, not a tear shed,
Nobody ever came when I was dead.

A lone some soul, I led my life.
Everyone left me; my baby, my wife.
No one cared how I was, how I lived.
And when I died, no one grieved.

My story is sorry, my life is pain.
What would I not give to live once again?
Not much to say, as I’m already dead.
So let me narrate how my life was once led.

I grew up in the wake of an orthodox dad
Seven brothers, one sister I had.
For my mother and sister, their life was hell
No one to turn to, no one to tell.

For years this life went on and on
A females were harassed at the time I was born.
Abortion was impossible in the country back then
And my sister was born to see nothing but pain.

My mother was tortured for bringing into this world
A daughter; And for heaven’s sake, it was a girl!
She was cursed at, abused, ridiculed
The poor creature was thrown out of our world.

Then one day, our world abruptly turned.
In the usual bouts of violence, my mother was burned.
After beating her up, my father took a snatch
Doused her in petrol, and lit up the match…

Drunk as he was, he barely could think
His wife up in flames, and he sat with his drink.
We watched in horror as he gulped down the liquor
Our mother was burning, being watched by the sucker.

My sister cried for help just then
And the devil in him rose up once again.
He grabbed her by the hair, and smashed the bottle in two
I…I can’t describe what he proceeded to do…

My mother was in ashes, my sister lay bleeding
We stood by the window, hearing the faint pleading
Then slowly, her voice faded away…

I lost my mother and sister, that day.

*********************

The violence I saw took root deep within me
And defined my future, the man I would be.
Adding to my father’s legacy, a long list of crime
Killing and worse, took up a large part of my time.

Every time I took a life, there burned within me
A savage pleasure, a cruel glee.
The look in the eyes of the “Victim of The Day”
Would fill me up better than any liquor could lay.

My hunger was great, yet it grew with time
And there increased my list of crime.
The monster within me craved for ever more
I lived in the gory, my life was gore.

Yet the world chose ignorance, blind to me.
People went missing, yet it refused to see.
On the outside, I led a normal life,
And just like others, I too got a wife.

But even then, my habits lived on.
Hidden from my wife, till my baby was born
Then came the lightning, the bolt from the blue
And stirred me to my senses, which even time couldn’t do.

I came home in a stupor, a few bottles downed in me.
My wife was home, and hell- she was angry.
I lost my temper then, I forgot who she was
I snatched away the baby. Then it went for a toss.

I grabbed her by her hair, the monster within free
And as habit was always, the killer took over me…
An hour later I woke up, vague memories in my head.
Something warm and sticky touched me. I looked. My wife was dead!

I crawled over to her side, the only woman I’d ever loved.
I turned her over, through her heart the knife shoved.
That instant it hit me, the monster in me fled.
My wife, my life, my love, lay before me- dead.

For the first time I cried, I cried my eyes out.
I cried my voice hoarse, yet continued to shout.

When, I do not know, I stemmed my weeping
Got up and stumbled past the blood that was seeping.
Hazy, and shaken, I tottered to the door.
And then my heart sank right through the floor…

My baby was dead, cold and pale
My life, that instant, had turned to hell.
I killed my family… slowly it came…
The pain, the sorrow, the despair, the shame…

My mind numbed, my body paralysed
I dropped to the floor, tears streaming from my eyes
And crying, sobbing, there I lay
Next to the corpse of my daughter that day.

The next day it was out, in papers everywhere
The killer in white, now entirely laid bare.
The police arrived and dragged me away.
Forever and ever, I remember that day.

I sat there in jail, lonely for once
But money has its uses, its own allowance.
I bought my way out, with bribes very many.
But then I was free, though free without money.

But money can’t buy love, how true that saying
You just can’t get respect by buying or paying.
I went back to my home, lonely again
The monster long gone, replaced by pain.

Twelve months I lived, without meaning or reason
I cared about nothing, not time, nor season
Then at last, I couldn’t take it any more
I went to my room, and bolted the door.

An old necktie, my father’s from school
Came handy today as a useful tool
Standing on the wardrobe, I tightened the noose
I checked it again. No, it wasn’t loose.

Taking a deep breath, my last ever
I thought about my own death, something I never.
My victims’ faces swam before my eyes
I faced the fact, conscience never lies.

Gritting my teeth, I stepped to the edge
And worded my last breath into a pledge-
“This killer of many dies right here right now.
Death, I welcome you. To you I bow.”

And then I jumped off a wardrobe two metres tall
Yet death was instant, a second from my fall.
The tie snapped my neck, and I hung there.
Limp as a rag, with no one to care.

An instant of pain, and darkness thereafter
I awoke to the sound of cruel laughter...
I was dead, but then, why was I there…?
The ghost of evil, dead, yet aware.

My body was discovered only for the stench of decay
No one would cry, no one would stay.
My corpse was moved out and buried away.
And my house was closed for ever that day.

I’m cursed to remain this way forever
Remembering my sorrow, my pain, my crimes,
My wife, my daughter, my mother, my sister
My dear family was gone with the times…

So thus am I a mere memory in minds
And I’m cursed to remain forever behind blinds
How I wept and how I cried…

I still remember the day I died…