Alessandra Liverani (Wollongong, Australia)

Hello Bob, it's Archie, me telly's on the blink
Without me telly on it's even hard for me to think
I watch it of an evening snuggled up beneath me doona
Can you come round. Not later, I'd rather it were sooner

'Cos every night I watch it and it helps me cop some Zed's
It calms me down and stops all thoughts from spinnin' in me 'ead
Can you tell me Archie, exactly what's wrong with your television
Describe the symptoms to me with clarity and precision

It's got these annoyin' lines that are runnin' up and down
Are you sure they're vertical replied Bob with a puzzled frown
Your TV as I remember is quite an ancient beast
It's been at least two decades since that model was released

One of that era would surely have lines of a horizontal direction
Are you sure they're vertical, after considered reflection
'Course I know me vertical from me horizontal slant
Get over here now, I can't stand all day and rant

But Archie, your television is resting on its side
So horizontal seems vertical, if logic be applied
'Course I watch it like that, I'm lying in me bed
And it saves me the trouble of havin' ta lift me 'ead

(Sydney, Australia - 2010)