No Coffee, Tea Please Poem by Tan Pratonix

(**A humorous rant while the kettle descants**)

I attribute the decline and fall of America
to their obsession with coffee.
Sad that Americans have never liked tea.
They are addicted to beans,
But most prefer leaves.
*Two leaves and a bud
Invigorate the blood.

Tea stimulates.
Coffee depresses.
No matter how many flavours coffee comes in,
there's nothing to beat a bracing hot cuppa -
chai in India;
in Japan, ocha;
(which translates as 'O Chai! How I love thee! ')
That explains the Japanese Tea Ceremony.

Oh, the fine art of brewing tea!
there's nothing to beat it.
I drink two cups of tea daily.
Morning and evening,
Occasionally with toast, biscuit or cake;
But even without these accompaniments,
The tea tastes great!

If I ever drink a cup of coffee,
Starbucks or Coffee Day,
be it Cappuccino or Cafe Latte,
I don't feel good; I feel quite low.
Coffee depresses,
compounds the stresses.

(I make an exception to South Indian Filter Coffee,
taken in a small steel tumbler and davara*,
right after a breakfast
of hot crispy dosa or idli and sambar;
the coconut chutney
goes great with *kaapi.
(Which explains why the Tamil is jolly and happy.)

(Filter Coffee is a decoction made by brewing finely ground coffee powder
in a traditional filter, to which is added a cup of boiling milk with sugar. The hot filter coffee is poured back and forth between the davara and the tumbler in large arc-like motions of the hand, creating a lovely froth at the top. Wiki.)

But enough about coffee! Brewing tea is an art.
If you get it just right, with the tea and milk
blending into a beverage for champs,
there's nothing like it.
(Coffee gives the cramps.)

I will never forget the tea I drank
at Holy Cross Church, Perambur back in '64
(over fifty years ago) .
Brewed in a large bhagona over burning firewood,
by a big black Anglo-Indian
(whose wife left him for England)
it satiated fifty of us children (besides the women and men) :
Well, I've never tasted such delectable tea again.
The nearest that came to it in divine flavour
was Darjeeling tea, brewed in a ceramic teapot.
(O the thrilling feeling
of sipping tea in Darjeeling!)
I have drunk Assam tea in Darrang,
in a tea estate, of course;
and ginger tea in Delhi,
to clear the cold in my nose;
and elaichi tea
which is ecstasy;
and Irani tea
with biriyani;
and Gujju cha, with rich milk and sweet;
but plain tea boiled in a saucepan
is just my treat.
(But you need to get the quantities, temperature and timing right.
Under- or Over-boiled tea can be a fright!)

I hate Twinings flavoured teas, spiced masala teas,
and tea that comes in tea-bags (meant for drips) .
Worst of all is that aberration called Iced Tea,
suitable only for those who gorge on chips.
(Never use tea dust;
Or your taste buds will go bust.)
Well, I haven't even started talking about green tea,
Chinese tea, or tea worshipped in Japan -
Sencha, matcha and kotcha, sipped reverently from bowls;
Only the Japanese have understood that tea has 'soul'.

Summing up then, I would say,
'Thank God for tea! '
(And let barrels of coffee be cast in the sea!)
Tea is the drink for people who think.
Coffee's a concoction
for those with no option.
Guzzled in cafes, restaurants and stores,
Coffee's a bore.

Fresh, aromatic tea is first-rate.
Afternoon tea made Britain Great.
We will end this rant with this:
'Home is where the tea is! '

C.H.

Note 1: *two leaves and a bud: that's how the tea leaves are plucked.
*davara (da-vah-rah) is a small steel vessel in which the tumbler is placed.
**dosa, idli, sambar (sahm-baar) , chutney: traditional South Indian breakfast dishes.
*kaapi: (pron. kah-pee) Tamil word for coffee.
*bhagona: (ba-go-na) large aluminium cooking utensil.
*elaichi: (il-eye-chee) cardamom
*sufficienter: that's a real word, in Latin.
*masala: (muh-sah-la) ground spices
Darrang: a district in Assam
biriyani: a spicy mixed rice dish with mutton or chicken
Irani tea: popular in Hyderabad; introduced by settlers from Iran
Gujju cha: Gujarati chai or tea
Sencha, matcha and kotcha: different Japanese teas
'Thank God for tea! ' - Quote by Rev Sydney Smith
'Home is where the tea is! ' - Quote by J S Devivre;
Coffee is made in cafes, but Tea is brewed at Home.

Note 2: Tea went out in 1773, with the Boston Tea Party.