Shadowed Past Poems

This sadness enveloping me
Is like the shards of glass
Penetrating my skin
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Pristine walls surround me
Closing my mind off from reality
Nothing is the way it should be
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Why do I do this to my body?
This mutilation
This tendency to not react
To the pain I cause myself
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Can I control it?
I want to
I try to
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Searching but not looking
Looking but knot wanting
Wanting but not knowing
A heart in denial
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A grain of sand is thrown,
You dodge it to avoid
The slight chance of defeat
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Once was love, that burned like a crimson sun.
Things turned around and all they do is fight.
Seems to me, I’m a battle not yet won,
Yet they are always there, holding me tight.
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For showing
A side that I didn’t know existed
A hope not yet discovered
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Life once meaningless;
A hopeless search for purpose
Wishing every minute to pass
Faster and faster with each second
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Sometimes I find myself dueling
On the question “what if? ”
What could have been
What was
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