Not Always Poem by Shadowed Past

Can I control it?
I want to
I try to

I attempt to stop
I try my hardest
But not always

But then it happens
When I least expect it
When I’m not thinking

I try to catch myself
I come close
But not always

Sometimes I’m the last to know
Or perhaps the last to care
It’s hard to tell

Other times I catch it
I stop
But not always

It’s an effortless battle
On a subconscious level
I don’t even realize

But when I do notice
I promise it’s the last
But not always

I really want this to end
To cease forever
To never reappear

I tell myself that everyday
It seems to help
But not always