Treasure Island

Elena Plotkin


Crimes of the Century


How is it that there is no room at the penitentiary
For those committing such crimes of the century?
Surely the public can’t continue to be left defenseless
Against those who continue to commit such offenses.
Surely something must be done to the repeat offenders,
the reprobates, the law breakers, and the rule benders.
Surely they just can’t be allowed to not brush or floss,
Or to not gargle when they finally use their mouthwash.
Surely they just can’t be allowed to ignore the chore
Of picking up their dirty laundry and socks off the floor.
Surely they just can’t be allowed to give their soup a slurp,
To put their elbows on the table, or to let go of a burp.
Surely they just can’t be allowed to ride the elevator,
Let go of some flatulence, and lie about the origin later.
Surely they just can’t be allowed to not flush right after,
Or worse, not wash their hands with soap soon thereafter.
Surely they just can’t be allowed to use the last bit of paper
Be it toilet or printer, then quickly walk away from the caper.
Surely they just can’t be allowed in conversations to interrupt
Simply because they feel their patience badly want to erupt.
Surely they just can’t be allowed to have others read
That which they themselves simply refuse to proofread.
I say how is it that there is no room in the penitentiary
For these loose cannons, degenerates, and false gentry?
How is it that the public continues to be left defenseless
Against these menacing and heinous forms of offenses?
Surely something must be done to those who persist,
To commit the crimes of century I doth here list.

(c) 2013 Copyright Elena Plotkin

Submitted: Friday, February 21, 2014
Edited: Wednesday, February 26, 2014

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

Be forwarned all you repeat offenders, reprobates, law breakers, rule benders, loose cannons, degenerates, and false gentry you are on the most unwanted list. HA HA HA! ! !

Comments about this poem (Crimes of the Century by Elena Plotkin )

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  • Elena Plotkin (2/24/2014 9:24:00 AM)

    Thank you Bri for the comment and for pointing out the typo. One day in the future, people will realize water is too precious to flush and then our tiolets will be just bowls that are full of cat litter. So enjoy the luxury while we still have it.
    As for punishment part, I see the potential in everything but the drilling without anesthetic. I am afraid that punishment is too corporal for my taste. (Report) Reply

  • Bri Edwards (2/22/2014 7:01:00 PM)

    Surely they just can’t be allowed to not flush right after, .....................i think i have a poem about water conservation in which i suggest NOT flushing unless floaters are involved. why use so much water to just flush a little pee? ? but i know many will not agree, for various reasons, and i have decided to flush, even if i only pee, at public toilets after having a talk with my brother who manages two roadside rest areas. and my wife, for several years went along with my not flushing at home, but NOW she has changed her tune, saying it takes more water to wash a toilet after it misses several flushes than would be needed to flush every time. now i sometimes go outdoors in the side yard or off the deck (at night) , BUT I STILL wash my hands with soap AND water.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    my favorite lines so far: - -

    Surely they just can’t be allowed to use the last bit of paper
    Be it toilet or printer, then quickly walk away from the caper.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    simply because the feel their patience badly want to erupt. .............this line could stand some editing. :)
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    yeah! something MUST be done! ! ! how about sentencing them to a week without toilet paper (or other convenient alternative) , a month of no soup (or they have to use forks to eat it) , a closed system from their underpants to their noses, and NO anesthetic next time they have dental cavities drilled? ?

    thanks for sharing. :) bri (Report) Reply

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