Mister Cliff, If You Please! (Parody From Cats - Gareth Cliff Radio 702) Poem by Margaret Kollmer

You OUGHT to ask Mister Cliff Stoffees…the original conjuring jock!

The greatest of DeeJays
have something to learn
From Mister Cliff Stoffees’s
radio turn………….

And we all say….Oh well there never was
therever
a jock as clever as
Magical Mister Cliff, if you please!
Oh well there never was
therever
a Jock so clever as
Magical Mister Cliff, if you please!

He is lithe, he is tall; a hack
Pink and white to the tip of his tail
He’s the top of the DJ pack
But try to relate your tale…….
If he feels you are talking off track
His voice becomes tinged with ice
He is always deceiving you into believing
He’s only being charming and nice
He will play any trick, like a dork
And speed-up your call with haste.
If you think he’ll not pull the cork
Then your thinking’s severely misplaced
You’re on air one moment and then he’s gawn!
You’ll find yourself wishing you’d
never been bawn!

And we all say:
Oh well there never was
therever
a Jock so clever as
Magical Mister Cliff, if you please!
Oh well there never was
therever
a Jock as clever as
Magical Mister Cliff, if you please!

His manner is big and aloof
You would think there was nobody shyer
But his voice has been heard on the roof
He could even be a Town Crier!
And he sometimes gets jibed at by Anna
Who reckons he’s just a young goof
At least we all heard …..that Lizzie had purred
Which is incontestable proof
Of his singular magical powers.
And we’ve known Dan and Rina to haul
Him in……. in front of the Powers
When he wasn’t even on call!
When out of the room this phenomenal man
Produced several boobies right out of a hat!

And we all say:
Oh well there never etc.