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Beach Girl


The Edge


Here on the edge
of blackness
The sea was set
on fire

While streaming ribbons
all ablaze
Sought paths across
the skies

In frantic fear lest
day depart
I grasped towards
fleeing sun

And watched as silken strands
of day
Slipped through my outstretched
hand

When darkness strode into
the room
And blew out lamp's
last flicker

I bowed my head to dreams
I'd lost
And closed my eyes
once more

Submitted: Thursday, December 26, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, February 05, 2014

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  • Rookie - 48 Points Perry Biggerstaff (7/6/2014 4:46:00 PM)

    Occasionaly I stumble across a poet who truly knows how to capture a moment...a theme..a concept...into words. Thank you for this poem. I most certainly WILL be looking at your other works. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 4,016 Points Khairul Ahsan (3/6/2014 3:32:00 AM)

    You have drawn a beautiful imagery of the setting sun against the backdrop of black clouds on a sea shore. The crimson sun would soon be gulped down by the sea at the horizon.
    The last stanza is indeed mesmerizing!
    'I bowed my head to dreams
    I'd lost
    And closed my eyes
    once more' - Loved this imagery! Very well done!
    I can only pity the poor judgement of the reader who has rated this beautiful poem only 3 out of 10. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 632 Points Nika Mcguin (2/14/2014 3:09:00 AM)

    When darkness strode into
    the room
    And blew out lamp's
    last flicker

    and

    I bowed my head to dreams
    I'd lost

    My favorite parts! ^-^ I'm not sure why but I just love the imagery in this. Amazing read, it makes the idea of the sun setting - against one's will - so much more magical. It is something I can relate to though, the fact that time passes far too quickly. A day feels like a couple of hours, and an hour feels like a couple of minutes (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 632 Points Nika Mcguin (2/14/2014 3:08:00 AM)

    When darkness strode into
    the room
    And blew out lamp's
    last flicker

    and

    I bowed my head to dreams
    I'd lost

    My favorite parts! ^-^ I'm not sure why but I just love the imagery in this. Amazing read, it makes the idea of the sun setting - against one's will - so much more magical. It is something I can relate to though, the fact that time passes far too quickly. A day feels like a couple of hours, and an hour feels like a couple of minutes (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,881 Points Bri Edwards (2/5/2014 6:01:00 PM)

    first Beach Girl, i'll take the chance that you will tolerate a suggestion; i'm not sure that i know why i'm timid about it now, as I RARELY am...........unless i've already been bawled out once by a poet for sending her/him a suggestion in the public forum.
    here is my suggestion:
    in the line: : Slip through my outstretched.....use slipped, as you have used the past tense for another verb in the stanza.

    i enjoyed this poem and read it two or three times at least. at first i kept expecting a rhyme at the end of each pair of stanzas. it just sounded like one was going to appear. but one didn't! it wasn't disheartening, just surprising.
    maybe it was because of my habit of rhyming and also because of the cadence as i read. i 'never' use the word cadence but i looked it up and it fits! you didn't need the missing rhymes. a nice poem without them.

    this set of pictures would befit a beach girl looking out her pacific ocean window. thanks for sharing. :) bri (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 421 Points Shahzia Batool (1/9/2014 3:49:00 PM)

    Here on the edge
    of blackness
    The sea was set
    on fire....

    When darkness strode into
    the room...

    I bowed my head to dreams
    I'd lost...

    lovely lines! ! ! (Report) Reply

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