Unenlightened Poem by Tiffany Rose Moczydlowski
Unenlightened
The brightness of the moon beam illuminates
The otherwise perpetual darkness
Of the dense forest.
I gaze at my unfamiliar surroundings,
Cloaked in shadow.
As I observe
I am thankful for my shield,
My invisibility from the world.
Solemnity resonates throughout
This forbidden place
Along with a sinister sense of
Finality.
The fallen, unwanted leaves are
The only hint at life besides
The faint beating of wings
Belonging to creatures unknown.
The well-worn and almost indistinguishable
Path on the ground
Speaks of well kept secrets
And suspicious events.
''This is the fabric in which
Legends are sewn.''
I dare to allow this thought
To process.
Something about this place
Blocks out the normally accessible
Ability to think with clarity,
Making it impossible to utter a peep.
''I ought not be here.''
The words bounce around my mind,
Giving me the strength
To dispel the curse
This land seems to cast.
''I'm intruding upon
A sacred land, untouched
By the rhythm oh time.''
I seemed out of place,
With my Converse and
MP3 in my sweatshirt.
This is my place
Where centuries ago,
The wicked went on with
Their wrongdoings.
Where people were cursed.
Or murdered.
Not the place
For a teenager to take a hike.
But I am rooted to the spot,
Unable to move an inch.
Panic erupts in my heart
Spreading quickly throughout my limbs
As I feel the freezing presence
Of a hand on my shoulder.
But nothing's there.
Terror grips my heart
And the pounding in my ears grows
To extraordinary volumes
To the point where I'm
Surprised I'm not deaf,
As I feel the chill of
Breath on my neck
Immobilize me,
As I hear a dark, deep,
And dangerous voice
Whisper into my ear
''Welcome to the
Beginning.''
Great sinsitivity in it. I can feel the dark story in the poem but it can use editoral help but great poem :)
Please take the prose comment as a compliment, i want to know what happens next. You draw people in. X
The first thing my poetry teacher told me was to never start a poem, short story or book with a weather forecast. If you read any of my poetry you'll see I completely ignore him. I dig on this. Kinda Poe kinda CS Lewis. Would love to see more. Thankfully you left it open ended for the reader to journey - or for you to return. Matty
Nice work. I started seeing scenes of darkness as i went through the lines. Beautiful.
Tiffany, as a teenage writer, you are light years ahead of your competition. I really liked your delightful poem/prose, and thought you handled the mixing of the two well. Also, the ancient with the present was a nice touch. You write with such conviction. Thanks!
Finished your poem/prose Unenlightened, And then read other's comments. I have to agree with what was said, you have a very good write here, part poem, part prose. Your ability to draw the reader in is well done, and I was pleased when I finished. I enjoyed this write very much, and I know you have talent. Not much to tear apart on this one, just go with it as you write, and your natural voice will kick in and take over....taking your words to new places aqnd new feelings, new highs and lows... Very Good write Tiffany! I look forward to reading more! -Kelly.
Wow, that was amazing! It sent chills up my spine. That is one epic poem :)
Well, it was very good, but I could not understand the theme of this poem. I could not tell if I was reading a horror, romance, life changing, etc. poem. You have to pick a certain theme/genre for a poem before you just type it down. Otherwise it was good :)
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
Delivering Poems Around The World
Poems are the property of their respective owners. All information has been reproduced here for educational and informational purposes to benefit site visitors, and is provided at no charge...
5/5/2024 6:52:41 AM # 1.0.0.1119
You can write however if I was you I'd write prose. I think with some editorial help you write successful books. Samantha.