Shahzia Batool

Rookie - 573 Points (Pakistan)

You!


I got a chance to meet You
in the feel of a moment
gripped in the crystalline abstraction
of a diamond bonding…

at my first sight,
a young sheep,
a kitten,
or a chic You looked to me;
but as the moments passed by,
I kept on exploring You
and found to my sheer surprise
a ripe mind,
a deep thought,
a razor-pen You kept and still keep…
a keen observer,
a bright writer,
a sharp critic;

I felt your soul like a lighted candle
Sometimes kindling the light
though sometimes idly burning away
but always on the flickering flame
fighting against the bold blows
and strokes of critical winds…
I felt the hardening of your heart
by constant fighting
within and without…

You made me up and happy
You made me down and sad
but never annoyed me
I likened you to Stephen D.
I likened you to the bard of fancy
I wished to write an ode to You…

Reading You is a wonder feel,
One might feel sitting either
in a submarine
or a space-shuttle..
you have always been so dead sure
beyond being challenged ever…
I witnessed deaths of ego hard
With no offence, with no blame
People let you rule their moods
Willingly...

for how they can file an F.I.R
when in all crystalline way
they love the killer…! ! !

Submitted: Sunday, September 29, 2013
Edited: Thursday, October 31, 2013

Form:


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  • Bronze Star - 5,354 Points Col Muhamad Khalid Khan (11/5/2014 10:47:00 AM)

    I felt your soul like a lighted candle
    Sometimes kindling the light
    though sometimes idly burning away
    but always on the flickering flame
    A beautiful love free verse with lot of good and beautiful figurative language
    Col Mohammad Khalid Khan (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 5,309 Points Lyn Paul (11/2/2014 4:08:00 PM)

    Feel the truth, mystery and pain in these words Shazia. Thank you x Searching for you to see you are no longer penning. Wish you well (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 280 Points Rekha Mandagere (11/8/2013 11:36:00 PM)

    What a strong relationship between exists between an individual and his ego is always a puzzle, yet to be solved. It might give comfort sometimes but most of the times it makes us sad. The narration technique is superb. Nice work Shazia, (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 2,588 Points Patricia Grantham (11/2/2013 11:51:00 PM)

    I enjoyed this poignant write. Really lifted me up to the skies.
    I must come back down to earth now. You is so lucky Enjoyed. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 10 Points Rigzin Namgyal (10/7/2013 7:12:00 AM)

    ..a poetic sonata..that only a poetess of Shahzia's caliber can produce..poetry at its very epitome..
    ..loved it..i will give you a perfect 10 for this brilliant display of writing.. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 158 Points Queeny Gona (10/3/2013 10:46:00 AM)

    Ahh! Less words have I to reciprocate after reading such an amazing verse...... The ending is no less interesting as the rest of the read dear Poet pal. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 27 Points Cassandra Jasmine (10/3/2013 10:14:00 AM)

    Oh! I love this poem! I'm going to add it to my favorites. ;) I can't decide which stanza I liked most, because I loved all of it.10/10 :) (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,006 Points Gulsher John (10/2/2013 8:26:00 AM)

    wow,
    wonderful versification, though theme is quite simple and has been treated frequently but from shazia' pen it seems quite fresh and exotic, treated absolutely brilliant.
    a garland of early spring roses for someone who inspired poets heart?
    there is much energy in this sweet song of admiration, one can feel the blaze of emotions and strong devotion.
    A brave and innovative mixing of class and creativity and a reflection of deep insight
    A smooth volley and swings of feelings threaded in this enchanting ballad.
    Poetry is not just a sharing of feelings but something different and special to be penned and Shazia is doing it..........

    p.s. i am totally ignorant to the reference you made in your poem (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 369 Points Harindhar Reddy (10/1/2013 5:39:00 AM)

    A wonder similes drawn and special feelings echoed all though the poem. It produced ever lasting impression my mind. Kudos! (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,645 Points Sallam Yassin (9/30/2013 6:38:00 PM)

    in a lip of a thing
    is a water?
    simple thing
    Or the love easy hub to appreciate
    Your first fist on a background
    in sketch
    but the magic in your hand
    made intensive in spot of a light
    made the eyes in clear
    crystalline deem of heart
    (You) the soul / given depth (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,943 Points Tirupathi Chandrupatla (9/30/2013 3:56:00 PM)

    You refer to a wonderful writer and character. Your creation of image is imaginative and beautiful. Amazing poem. Thank you. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 413 Points Yasmeen Khan (9/30/2013 11:32:00 AM)

    A beautiful write changing like crystalline....reading it feels a crystal ball is spinning and rays of thoughts are radiating all around. (Report) Reply

Read all 28 comments »

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