A Consequence Of Grief Poem by Neil Graham Marsden

So altered from that sombre day when first I stood in stunted grief
surrounded by the crying, ever needy throng.
a huddle of blackened, shuffling living corpses
fighting to out-grieve the next, I had become invisible it seemed.

My duty next to hand the soil box round with dignity intact,
then find the missing words to comfort and sustain.
My lifelong love for you was lost upon the rest
as they emptied their emotions in your wake.

I watched in cold detachment as the dirt fell from their hands
onto my love descending, to your new found nest of frozen earth.
My soul was cast into the pitch pine box that held your frame,
as the sated audience shuffled on ahead as if bound together by chains.

The traffic on the road outside had turned their engines onto mute
and the people at the bus stop paused their gossip for a while,
their steaming mouths like cooling towers fell silent out of blind respect
and the roaring planes above me switched to glide.

With heavy heart I raced to catch those failing on the long walk back,
to prop them up and push them on towards yet more reality and pain.
I did not sense nor get to feel a soothing arm across my back,
I knew that what had happened there was colder than your grave.

So I climbed into the limousine, a long black gesture of respect,
then crawled back home to put the endless kettles on
to wash down post death sandwiches and cake.
Sharing monochrome anecdotes to prove who knew and loved you best.

No longer would our promises, or hopes or dreams speak out.
As my newfound life apparently went on,
without the chance to hold you one more time.
Each endless day to close the same, in disbelief and grief.

Now as thirty dreadful winters have melted their snows
upon our souls beneath the ground,
I call back one more time to share presence and your warmth;
For I remain still frozen, ever colder here.