Accepting The Black Wolf Has Won Poem by Marius Schoeman

I used to believe the Black Wolf inside of me
Is nothing else but love's arch enemy
A defense mechanism for when I get hurt
Or life beats me down into the dirt

Always angry, selfish and hateful
Making me feel useless and disgraceful
Causing me to beat myself up
Always reminding me how much I suck

I used to believe in the White Wolf as well
That love will someday emerge from its empty shell
Overcome all the hurt and regret from my past
Hoping that someday, my happiness will be able to last

O how many times I have believed in that stupid lie
Chose to keep living when I should have died
I always believed there's something worth holding for
That each time I began over, it'll be different than before

But the betrayal, broken promises and broken trust
Have left my heart in pieces, my hopes and dreams crushed
My heart and mind are now all over the place
The pain returns almost every day when I wake

Dreams and thoughts haunt me all of the time
When asked about it, I usually reply that I'm fine
With a fake smile and tears I hide by looking away
Nobody knows the torture I'm enduring each day

I'm desperately holding on to the hope that I'll be able to forget
Telling myself they are truly sorry and that they have regret
Reminding myself that I'm not without any sin either
How useless I am and how much I still need her

There will be no starting over for me this time round
By my love for her and my kids I am physically bound
Unable to pursue a way for me to finally get over this stuff
To stop me feeling like I wasn't good enough

Unable to pick myself back up again
For the White Wolf to come out of my heart's dark empty den
I will have to learn to accept the Black Wolf has won
Learn to hide it deep inside, so I don't hurt anyone