Acid Reign - Poem by Bill Mitton
At least 15 were mad as coots
several more were deaf
four we know, responsible
for their older sibling's death
Six we're sure had syphilis
and seven more were drunks
one it's said, distastefully
had his mother chopped in chunks
a number, Gay, we also know
and there's nothing wrong in that
but when a kings a raving Queen
it doesn't sit 'quite' pat
most of them were warmongers
and for some, we spell that 'whore'
and one was locked up straight away
MAD! 'he tried to help the poor'
We had one called 'The Virgin Queen'
but did she really fit the bill?
as she had the ‘evidence’ all bumped off
we don't know.....and never will.
At least George the Third was funny
he thought he was a tree
He even had them water him
how much more Royal can you be?
Quite a lot weren't British
I mean, Richard One was a French
Orange Billy a Dutch import
is this making ANY sense?
A good few had their relatives
Locked up in some tower
And some poor sod was on the Throne
For barely half an hour
The Queens we’ve had (except THAT King)
Were just as bad, and in cases even worse
If you got too close to Lizzie one
You’d end up in a hearse.
Her dad, you know him, Henry 8,
Was very big on weddings
He went through wives like nobody
‘cos he also liked beheadings
One was forced to abdicate
The scandal of divorce
There would not have been a bigger row
If he’d been marrying his horse!
The present lot are German
Sax Coberg was their name
But in World War I, hey presto!
The Windsor’s they became
By ditching consanguinity
From the royal marriage form
And marrying their cousins
Strange children they have born
These grow up as ugly kings
And most of them are …well….dim
look at the Crown Prince we have now
would you be ruled by HIM?
Of course we have the dear Queen Mum
Oh hurrah I hear you say
I’m sure I’d live passed a hundred too
If I’d, never worked, one day.
And they’ve upset every body
Caused strife on every shore
But it doesn’t matter what they do
THEY never fight the war.
Yet the thing which really riles me
Yes, the thing which really jars
Is for all they KNOW about the likes of me
We might as well be from Mars.
My apologies to any Monachists out there, don't worry I'm sure the House of Windsor (?) will be around for a long time yet. You'll get the last laugh. I'm quite sure I'm going to die out before the Monarchy does.
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