Are They Just Thoughts? Poem by laura random

My life is a number game
Counting the calories
A game with the cruellest punishment
Never winning or losing
It was a battle lost from the start

Gaining weight isn't an option
The only path left is the one to death
I don't want help, but at the same time I do
What do I chose?
The anorexic thought, or mine

I only feel good on an empty stomach
A full stomach is forbidden
Cutting myself of, from everyone
No one can help until I want help
When will I have the courage to ask?

Crying when I have gained
Crying when I ate
Crying when I have not punished
Crying to everything except losing weight

Every time I lose weight,
The fatter I feel
Standing in front of the mirror
Poking and prodding at the fat that I think is there
When will this end?
Which path will it be?