Before Tomorrow Poem by cassidy Lovato

The older I get,
the more I realize
how quietly life leaves us.

It is rarely
the disasters we imagine.

More often,
it is an ordinary day
that never reaches tomorrow.

And somehow,
that thought
always leads me to you.

Not with anger.

Not even with sadness.

Just the quiet wondering
that follows the realization
that none of us
are promised another sunrise.

What if it had been me?

What if the phone rang,
and my name
was spoken
in the past tense?

Would you think
of the years between us?

Would you remember
the little sister
who once believed
her big brother
could fix anything?

Or would you,
like before,
fold inward,
carrying another ghost
instead of another conversation?

I wonder
if regret
sounds louder
than silence.

If it echoes
the way I imagine it does.

What if it wasn't me?

What if it was Mom,
on one of her morning walks?

A distracted driver.

A missed heartbeat.

A bite of food
caught in the wrong place.

Life asks for so little
to change everything.

Would you be proud
of the way
you loved us?

Would you be content
with the distance
you've mistaken
for peace?

Would you look back
and believe
you gave enough
of yourself
to the people
who never stopped
loving you?

Or would you wish
for one more afternoon.

One more phone call.

One more chance
to choose differently.

I won't reach for you anymore.

Not because
I stopped loving you.

Because I finally learned
love cannot carry
both ends
of the same bridge.

Soon,
I'll be closer to you
than I've been
in years.

You'll never know.

Not because
I'm hiding.

Because somewhere
along the way,
you stopped looking
for me.

This wall
wasn't built
in a single day.

Neither was the silence.

I laid down
my side of the fight
a long time ago.

The rest
belongs to you.

If one day
I'm no longer here,
if these words
become all that's left,

I hope they don't leave you
with guilt.

I hope they leave you
with perspective.

Because today,
you still have time.

More time
than you allow yourself
to believe.

I am still here.

Mom is still here.

Life
has given you
another ordinary day.

The branch
has never disappeared.

It isn't hidden.

It isn't beyond repair.

It's waiting
exactly where
I left it.

The only question
that remains,

Brother,

is whether you'll
ever decide
to pick it up.