~best Of Me~ Poem by James Haedle

I Am Your Best

An Apology to Myself

I have no excuse
for holding you back.

Yes, I became aware of your presence sometime ago.
Yes, I promised to let you lead.
Yes, I know this journey belongs to both of us.

I would hate to call on you now
only because I am in need.

But I have exhausted my wit.
I have exhausted my knowledge.
I have searched the world
for what has always been within me.

It is like finally acknowledging
the existence of my left hand—
not because it was ever absent,
but because I had simply forgotten
how much of me it was.

I have grown to appreciate
the best alternative to the world I know.

And before I promise my being to another,
I must first acknowledge my own being.

I realize now
that I am not complete.

The best part of me
has remained dormant.

So please, awaken again.

I believe I can be more patient
than I was before.
More enduring.
More accepting.
More willing to listen.

Perhaps this is more than ambidexterity.

Perhaps it is the courage
to embrace every part of myself—
the parts I have celebrated,
the parts I have neglected,
the parts I have misunderstood.

Perhaps it is learning to embrace
my feminine self,
my softer self,
my intuitive self,
my whole self.

Teach me.

Guide me.

Grow what is in me
so that I may become
and use all that I am capable of becoming.

I am sorry
for the years I spent trying to survive
with only half of myself.

I am sorry
for the times I silenced you
because I did not understand you.

I am sorry
for calling you only when I needed saving.

You were never my last resort.

You were always my best.

And perhaps now,
it is time I stopped searching for you.

Perhaps it is time
I finally allowed myself
to become you.

By -JPHaedle