(Chernobyl, 1986)
They had to teach me
from scratch. Teach me
to breathe. As though
I had fallen out of space or
up from water and breath
was labour - each breath
a pang to draw me back
from the brink. In. Out. In
this world life is indifferent.
You must will it in. Will it
out. I look at my son -
those white cheeks that
tight frown and
I wonder how I can
breathe. He says - Mama
when you go to sleep to-
night please don't forget to
breathe. Please. He is
not allowed to run. Or
jump. Like that boy who
hanged himself with a
belt. I watch him. And he
watches me - when I doze
on the red sofa he rests a
hand to check the rise and
fall of my chest. Tells me he
will teach me in his dreams -
will teach me to breathe if
I teach him how to fly. If
you go with Grandpa he
says - will you be able to
breathe? He says this and
his cheeks run wet and
he runs short of breath so
we sit once again to
teach each other how -
deep and slow. We are
flying I tell him. We are
breathing he replies.
...
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