Come And Join The C Of E Poem by Mary Champion

Come on and join the C of E,
‘cos it's the safest place to be,
if you're an outed paedophile
you'll always find a welcome smile.

And if you want to feel you're free
to cast off all your decency,
maybe, the best of all your joys
is buggering the altar boys,

or it may be that you prefer
sweet, prepubescent little girls.
No matter what, you are a perv
so welcome brother come and serve.

If you're a hunted refugee
from most polite society,
just come and join the C of E,
for here, for sure you will be free.
 

And we won't swhen you preach
against the wicked folks who breach
the petty rules we like to make,
that nobody should ever break -

like sex outside the marriage bed:
that only he and she be wed.
These laws are for the common herd
and we believe it is absurd

that bishops, vicars and the rest
should be unable to molest
the youthful bodies in our care,
when all we want to do is share

the kind of loving that we see
as normal in the C of E.
And if you're caught when you offend
we will support you to the end.