Conciousness Poem by Malevolent M.c

I'm in one of those moods, where the only thing i want is complete silence. If noise is around me, i can block it out, stop it from entering my ears. And just listen to the sound of nothing.
I can step out of myself, and see things in retrospect. I could never really put my finger on what triggers this sort of..bliss. But it comes and goes whenever it pleases. And i know that, i am much more calm collected and quite when it does.. and whever i speak, it seems to be the 'right' thing to say. As if i suddenly became wise. Or... maybe it just feels that way.
So i write now as if the words i type sustain the bloodflow of my body. The more sentences you read, the more my heart beats. As if without this sort of activity, there is only a hollow self absorbed existance.
The more time i spend as a pariah, the more i feel mentally connected with myself, and others. When you have nothing to do, like no job to go to in the morning, no homework due, nothing. Just the next day to live through, it's sort of like a freedom for your psyche. It can be both good and bad i suppose, not many people really like the idea of a person living inside their own personal haven for extended amounts of time. But.. i do get out a few times a week. Though i won't shy from the fact that i enjoy myself, in my room. I think what get's me here in this mood is something like an epiphany, or something like 'the end'. When something was doing, is now over.
Ending of an incredible movie where after it ended, you didn't get up to turn it off, you just sat there and read the credits.
But i think tonight it was an epiphany, i stumbled on love. Because a part of me is still very in love with someone. I am not ashamed or shy to admit it either.
I came to realize the 'ultimate' love. Heres a definition...

The zenith of love for me is the absolute sacrifice of love itself for those you love. In retrospect i see now that the ultimate love is when love is given for those you love. i.e. self sacrifice for another person. through death or equivilant.
Now i'm sure before you think 'Now duh ian, everyone knows that! ' i am confident in saying that, it's something that is seen but not noticed. Afterall, it's the thing in movies that makes everyone cry, the death of a 'loved character'. Atleast that's what gets me. BUT! untill tonight, i don't think i ever drew aline between death and love before. So clearly as i see it in my head...

And theres those people who say, 'love is not onesided' and that you have to get love back, in order to love. In some sense i agree, it's only logical and healthy.. but in my case i'm just illogical and unhealthy.
If you love someone, is letting go of that someone for their own good the ultimate show of love? Or the Absense of love?
I've lost someone close to me in the past, whom i loved with every fiber of my being. And i'm going to lose another someone in about 18 days whom i feel exactly the same way about, he will leave, for the good of his future, but we both will lose one another..


Once true love is in you, does it ever go away? I'd wager it doesn't.