Dear You. Again. Poem by Nellie Kate

Dear you again,
I write these letters but never send them.
They were never meant to be sent in the first place.
They were supposed to be a reminder of who you are.
I also knew that if I sent them they would come right back.
Because they are addressed to me.
I don't write this letter to you.
I write it to me.
To show me who I used to be and who I could've been.

I have been racking my brain for so long.
Thinking you were the problem.
Thinking it was all your fault.
But it was me the whole time.

I didn't want to say goodbye.
I was scared you were going to come back and make it worse.
But after I left, you did nothing.
You just stood there.
11 year old you just stood there.
Confused.
Scared.
Afraid of who I was.
But in reality who I was,
Was you.

That scared little girl not knowing what to draw on the sidewalk.
Scared to tell anyone what was going on.
And now here I am.
Calling myself out.
With a letter.
Addressed to myself
With my name in the corner.
And in the middle.

You made me hate myself. Do you know that?
Now all I do is live.
I used to believe you only live.
But then I saw you live every day.
Thank you for showing me reality.
Thank you for showing me who I needed to be.
Because in the end,
You are me.
And I am you
Love,
Yourself.