Defining Me Poem by Maya Reid

You’ve suddenly become such a huge part of my life
One day I looked up and you were by my side
And I realized then and there
That I don’t ever wanna let you go
You’ve changed my life so much
That I’m scared to ever try to live without you
I don’t know how I ever lived without you
You’ve said the same words
And as much as I hate to say this
There’s something wrong with that

We have so much in common
I’ve finally found someone who understands
My words, my pain, my weakness
But still
I need to stop searching for myself in you
Stop hanging on every word you say about me
As if it is the string that saves me
I need to stop searching for myself in you
You are a part of me
A part that I always want to have
But you can’t define me
You can’t tell me who I am

And I’m not saying that you’re trying to
I’m the problem
I always am
I can’t be so dependent on you
I can’t always need you to be there
To pull my sun up and find the rainbow

And it’s not that I’m scared that you’ll hurt me
I know that, if given the choice,
You’d rather hurt yourself
But right now, you see, I’m hurting us
I need to figure out who I am
Cuz I can’t love you until I love me
And you love me more than I’ve ever loved myself
I love you so much that sometimes
The happiness you bring me tears me apart inside
I love you so much it hurts
And brings tears to my eyes
But I can’t stand to be alone with myself

I’m not always the person they all see
You know that just as well as I do
Maybe even better
You know the many people living inside
And still don’t think I’m crazy
You love each and every one

But I am only one person
I need to combine those masks into one
And then destroy it
I need to stop searching for myself
How does one find oneself?
I simply know that I am missing
No, that’s not it
I’m not missing...I simply don’t exist
Life is about creating oneself
And I haven’t molded my own sculpture yet

But back to you,
Add some clay to the mix
Smooth me in a few places
With your soothing fingers
But only I can be my sculptor
Stay with me
Watch
And guide
Hold on...
It’s gonna be a bumpy ride
On the way
To help me to become my own savior
And then you can just stand by my side
Rather than supporting me as I try to stand.