Depth Of Dark... Poem by Catherine Hendry

She travels down a dark tunnel into a large cavern
It opens up to an underground lagoon...
Only there was no water... not here anyway
It was filled with fire, bile and day old food
There is only one way in and it's the same way out
The exit is painful, scary and horrid
O what to do, what to do?
She is me and this is MY story
The tunnel was my throat
The cavern my stomach
Such as it is, I have a disease
Total Digestive Tract Paralysis
And I wouldn't wish it upon anyone!
To eat today what I ate last night,
No easy feat, but I MUST fight!
If you don't get it, eating is NOT conducive to my well being
My body rejects food, I can go without eating for a week or even 2
I can't help it, change it or even a dream of it going away!
I'm a recovering bulimic for 30 years! So, I KNOW what that's like
And I KNOW, this ain't it...
Everyday I ask, pray and beg God for help, to make this stop
Alas, I feel as though, maybe I'm not asking right
I have been suffering from this for about 15 years or so
It actually has it's own category: IDIOPATHIC
Meaning: NO known cause, NO known cure!
It's ugly, embarrassing, humiliating
It's gross, difficult to explain, even harder to understand
It's annoying & a burden - not just to me but everyone around me
I'm told, 'God never gives you more than you can handle...'
I wonder if I'm just not close enough to the top of His list...
But, I am tired...physically, mentally and emotionally...
I am simply exhausted...Sadly, THIS is my existence...
THIS is MY LIFE!