I'm looking for things that will destroy me
a second time over like the
first time someone did it...
nothing more, nothing less;
a death that lasts a minute
in a moment of lucidity
I see everything,
then drown that vision
in hypocrisy.
I keep wondering
between the thoughts in quiet spaces,
if
I have the fortitude to end it all.
...I'm pausing between these frantic paces
to offer a blank stare
in the face of the squall.
how I feel about it,
this idea I can't shake...
I have the skill to end the call
or destroy what options I have left
before I'm dashed upon rocks as I fall...
when looking at that prospect
it doesn't seem better than none at all.
all the insecure boys around us
look to construe us as troublesome things
when I scoff as they run from our quick wit
and turnabout,
then I settle for something even less than bargaining.
I don't pursue lines of reckless abandon,
but my feelings vaporize
in envious green.
I long for solitude
when I already have it
and wonder if I can be read in
anything but crimson ink.
try as I might,
I can't engage...
try as might,
I can't absolve
myself from these thoughts
which are construed as madness,
then left in tatters
as though they were wrong.
I can't breathe when I have no air,
I can't sleep when I know I'm there...
there isn't anything left to see
so move along
...I've run out words to my siren song.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem