Edwin Brock

Dulwich / London / England
Edwin Brock
Dulwich / London / England
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Five Ways To Kill A Man

Rating: 3.5
There are many cumbersome ways to kill a man.
You can make him carry a plank of wood
to the top of a hill and nail him to it. To do this
properly you require a crowd of people
wearing sandals, a cock that crows, a cloak
to dissect, a sponge, some vinegar and one
man to hammer the nails home.

Or you can take a length of steel,
shaped and chased in a traditional way,
and attempt to pierce the metal cage he wears.
But for this you need white horses,
English trees, men with bows and arrows,
at least two flags, a prince, and a
castle to hold your banquet in.

Dispensing with nobility, you may, if the wind
allows, blow gas at him. But then you need
a mile of mud sliced through with ditches,
not to mention black boots, bomb craters,
more mud, a plague of rats, a dozen songs
and some round hats made of steel.

In an age of aeroplanes, you may fly
miles above your victim and dispose of him by
pressing one small switch. All you then
require is an ocean to separate you, two
systems of government, a nation's scientists,
several factories, a psychopath and
land that no-one needs for several years.

These are, as I began, cumbersome ways
to kill a man. Simpler, direct, and much more neat
is to see that he is living somewhere in the middle
of the twentieth century, and leave him there.
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COMMENTS
Bill Gates 28 October 2020
Your dad sucks these nuts and it feels goodah!
0 0 Reply
nottellingyoumyname 02 July 2018
this is not my type of poem and it has been done before, that doesn't mean it is bad though
2 3 Reply
Byju v 09 June 2018
It is black humour at its best
1 1 Reply
Luke Desmond 05 April 2018
This poem is bad and I think it sucks
2 6 Reply
Luke Desmond 10 September 2019
yah same I aegree
0 0 Reply
JOHNNY Deep 30 October 2020
Nah, I think your dad is better is better at sucking my
0 0 Reply
Stephen W 23 April 2014
Pseudo-clever, but untrue.
7 9 Reply
Anil Kumar Panda 23 April 2014
aha...what innovative ways! ! ! Love the way to put them so cleverly.
6 7 Reply
Francie Lynch 23 April 2014
Lonliness has always been a killer. In spite of all our commumication gadgets.
9 9 Reply
Addy Adenawo 23 April 2014
Civilization is our doom...
8 9 Reply
Manonton Dalan 23 April 2013
lol... technology kills a man.
5 23 Reply
Jacob Broderick 08 April 2013
I have huge biceps, as I go to the gym everyday and drink musashi
8 21 Reply

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