For Me Poem by Brittany Quail

I used not to think
I was bad
There was a time
when I would've thought
she was wrong
now...
I don't know
I don't do what I do
for me
I do it because of what I am
insecure
lonely
afraid
out of love
everyone tells me
I'm wrong
and that I'm
irrational
insane at best
I don't know
why I am this way
I know I love him
I know she can't be right
It can't be all my fault
she doesn't realize
it's all hers
I spend my time writing
and I don't even know
what's coming out
what words I'm
creating
I didn't MAKE him do that
I have never MADE him
do a thing
I ask
Sometimes beg
because I'm afraid
and then
those girls
with their agendas
make me out to be
something I'm not
people I don't even
know
hate me
people I've never
spoken to
think I'm messed up
They all hate me
all because of her
because she
has nothing
better to do
then defame me
make me look bad
slander my name
I won't take it
I'm sick of this
But...
I will take it
because It's over
for now
at least
and she
will take my place
for now
at least
and I can't handle
this
I can't sit by
and say
okay
I want to tell her
that she's
worthless
to him
because it would
do her good
to know
and it would
make me laugh
if it hurt her.
I want to
tell her
she's the ugliest
thing
I've laid eyes on
because
I'd laugh
if it made her cry
I want
to swallow
pills
scream
cry
yell
tell everyone
I want to do
anything
to make people
remember
that I'm
still here
i'm not
going away
that I
will not be
alone
anymore
I want
everything
but there's
nothing
I'm just
alone
I'm
afraid
of every sound
paranoid
ansy
there isn't
anything there
but yet
i know
there must be
i love you
i'm sorry
i don't want
this
i don't want
to see
you
with
her
she's
not
even
human
why don't
you think
she's ugly?
why don't
you?
more
importantly
why do
you think
i am?