Halloween Hospital On Nightmare Lane (Adult Material, Not Suitable For Children) Poem by Mary Naylor

One dark night when the moon was bright,
And the air was crisp with fear and fright,
There were ghostly groans and demons that glared,
And the nostrils of the Chupacabra twitched and flared,

My side was on fire and filled with pain,
So I went to Halloween Hospital on Nightmare Lane.
I should have turned and ran when I heard loud groans,
And saw patients who were wearing, nothing but their bones!

I said, “Nurse, emergency, a doctor, please,
My appendix throbs and is badly diseased.”
Silently she pointed to a lady in white,
Who said, “Come here dearie, I won’t bite.”

She slammed my head on a table and picked up a bulb,
“Here, let me have a look at your skull.”
Roughly pressing my neck, she began to peer,
Saying, “Don’t you ever clean your ears? ”


“Let me go! ” I cried as I tried to wriggle away,
“It’s my side that hurts! ” I screamed, as I held her at bay.
She began to jam the ear-wash bulb in my ear,
She said, “Don’t tell me! I’m the professional here! ”

Another nurse came and stood by my side,
And stuck a needle in my hand, as I tried to hide.
“Nurse, you missed the vein, and it’s all going under my skin! ”
“Well, you must admit, I almost got it in.”


“I want to go home, I want a cab, ” I shouted as I backed away.
“To whom would we release you? No, you must stay.
Nurse, help me tie her with this rope,
Remember, we have a doctor who likes to grope! ”

Someone began to shout, “What’s your telephone number? ”
Over and over again, as ever closer she began to lumber.
She clutched a clipboard and a pen on a string.
I woke up to the sound of the telephone’s ring.

A cat yowled, a dog howled, and the night was totally black.
Feeling foolishly afraid over a silly dream, I threw back my head and laughed.
Relieved, I picked up the phone. “This is the hospital. You forgot your cane.
You left so fast! Please pick it up at Halloween Hospital on Nightmare Lane.”

As a rule, my visits to hospitals and clinics have been uneventful and helpful to me. More and more, I’ve come to look upon doctors as heroes in the fight against disease, and upon nurses
as ministering angles. But every once in a while, I cross over into a zone, which is not located
in a particular place, but in a cloud of bad vibrations, that in my mind I call, Halloween Hospital.