Heaven Or Hell, Please Confirm Poem by Maria Sudibyo

In the bus I am staring outside the window
Catching a false glimpse of shadow from the past
I know I should not whine
When something is not like I want
Everyone's laughing
Everyone's hugging
But why I'm the one who caught by sadness
Everyone is here
Everyone is safe and sound
But why I thought that I am left behind
Why I'm feeling empty and tired
When I should be full and blessed
Like walking in the wide desert
There is nothing out there
Other than sea of sands

The world is a place
Where we learn to accept regret
And choose what we willingly let go and ignore
Till it disappear automatically from our life
Everyone's cheering
Everyone's congratulating
But why I'm the one who defeated here
Everyone's well known
Everyone's good and warm
But why the fear starts creeping in my heart
Why nothing could make me happy
When I should be grateful with what I have
Like wishing for the earth to open
And just swallow me right now
With this loneliness