I Don'T Know How Poem by Lydia Thacker

Looking through the darkness in my vision
I see the word 'Life' written on the wall
Vague ponderances flash through my mind:
What did you think of your life?
Where are you now
besides in that small wooden box With my sister,
the daughter you spent so long missing?
I cannot believe that is all there was for you,
But I cannot find you
I feel your presence when I read your poems,
Your words of pain, of anguish, of love
I hear your life in the songs you sang
And shared with me
Was that all there was left of your life?
Of your beautiful eyes and smile
The hands that held me when I cried,
That played sweet music for me when I was a girl?
Is this all that is left of the stories you shared with me:
The happy memories of digging in the earth
Planting seeds that blossomed with the coming spring
Sharing strawberries, our faces red with their juice
Frolicking through fields of goldenrod
Picking snap-beans fresh from the garden and eating them
The long drives we took to find flowers and plants
You wanted for your garden
The late nights when we talked and sang together endlessly?
I miss you so much I cannot bear it.
I need you so badly
That I can almost hear your voice in my dreams.
I hear you singing in the night when I am trying to sleep.
I want to share you with my children.
I want them to live your memory as clearly as I do.
I don't know how.