Im Breaking... Poem by hazel jackson

I don't know how to say it
without breaking down,
so I'll let these words
say what my mouth can't.

I'm sad.
I'm upset.
I'm disappointed.
I'm fucking mad.

And somehow, underneath all of that,
there's this empty space—
like a piece of me is missing
and I don't know how to get it back.

I feel like there's more
you're not telling me,
like you're carrying secrets
I can already feel
even before you say them.

And the worst part is,
I think I already know
who you want to fuck.
Maybe you think I don't.
Maybe you think I'm blind.
But I notice things.
I feel things.
And pretending I don't know
hurts more than knowing ever could.

I don't want to feel like this.

I don't want to question you.
I don't want to wonder
if I'm enough.
I don't want to lie awake
thinking about things
I wish I could unsee.

Because I love you.
God, I love you so fucking much
that sometimes it hurts
just to breathe.

And that's what makes me angry—
that the same person
who makes my heart feel so full
can make it feel
so completely fucking empty.

I want to cry.
I swear I do.

But the tears won't come.

So instead,
I sit here with this weight
in my chest,
holding everything inside
because I don't even know
where to put all this pain.

I just wish you understood
that I'm not asking for perfect.

I'm asking for honesty.
For reassurance.
For the feeling that
I'm not slowly losing you
while you're standing right beside me.

Because I love you.

And I hate that loving you this much
makes hurting this badly
feel like something
I have no choice but to carry.