Indigo Spring Poem by Joseph DeMarco

How I Wonder What You Are?
July 5th 1982

The moonlight trickled through the top of the window, little Leonid lay awake in bed long after all the lights in the house had been shut off. This always seemed to happen, well not always, it seemed to happen in phases. How often? Was it monthly? He didn't know he hadn't been keeping track. He just didn't need as much sleep as the average person. While the average person could get by with 6-8 hours, Leonid just needed 4-5. Some nights, if he had a really refreshing dream, he could go 2-3. He always knew he was different, not normal. Last year, he and his parents had gone on vacation to Las Vegas. He was not allowed to gamble as he was too young, but he was allowed to walk the casino floor. The place just felt wrong. It was hard to say what was wrong about it, the place just felt horrible. The weirdest part was no one else could feel what he felt. The badness, the way the lighting seem to turn everybody into a robot. They just walked around like machines shoving quarters into slots, exuding this green greed that seemed to emanate from the top of their head. He hugged his bankey tightly and put his thumb in his mouth. His bankey was a light blue blanket. Plus it had been washed so many times, it was down to a very faded aqua blue. He petted the faded aqua blue blanket, massaging it, it seemed to calm him, the softness, the color. From down the hall, he could hear his father snoring, as he stared up at the ceiling.
One star, two stars, three stars…
Twinkle, twinkle,
On the dark ceiling he had stuck some glow in the dark star stickers, so that now, they glowed like stars in the night sky. There was even a Saturn, but Leonid had saved that one.
Four stars, five stars, six stars…
How I wonder what you are?
He was counting the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, but even he knew that counting stars would bring him no rest tonight. He continued (mostly to himself) to sing slightly off key, "Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are? "
What you are?
What are you?
Cause you're not like these people.
This part of the song seemed to repeat itself in his head.
How I wonder what you are?
Tears started to stream down his face as he muttered this fabled symphony of young Mozart.
What you are?
What are you?
Without saying it aloud, his lips whispered, "What am I? "
Not a star, but not so much like a boy either.
How I wonder what you are?
He got up and tip toed down the hall, his feet lightly padding over the wooden floor. He past his parents room and stepped onto the linoleum and into the bathroom. He took a few steps and then turned right to face his dark reflection. The mirror was ghastly and he would not look directly into it. He swore that if he did it would reveal something he didn't want to know. He stepped forward, reached out and grabbed a cup. He turned the faucet and placed the cup under, then took a sip. It was cool and refreshing. It invigorated him. He loved water, sweet nectar of life. He finished the cup, put it back on the counter and padded over to his parents doorway.
He peered into the darkness and the bundled mass that was his parents. He could hear his Dad's chainsaw snore, ripping through the air like a blade through wood.
"Maaaaaaa-ooooooom, " Leonid moaned lightly, "I can't sleep."
There was no answer, but he knew his mother had heard him. She lie in bed dreading that this would happen every night, as a baby Leonid screamed non-stop.
Eventually his mom rolled over, "Just go lay down and rest, " his mother whispered.
"I can't, " Leonid told his mother.
Leonid's mother rose slowly (with a deep sigh) and walked him back to his bedroom.
"I'll lay with you till you fall asleep, " the mother explained. Leonid had a worried look on his face.
"What'd you have nightmares again? " the mother asked.
Leonid didn't have to answer. He was afraid to go to sleep and he didn't know why. Must be nightmares?
"They're only dreams Leo, they're not real, " the mom assured him.
"My dreams are different, " Leonid reasoned.
"They're just dreams, " the mother assured him.
"How do you know? " Leonid asked.
"What if …they're real? " Leonid asked.
The mom shook her head, "They're not, " then quickly added, "Did you dream of that other home? "
Leonid nodded, "First I went to the station."
The mother closed her eyes, "Station? "
"You have to go the station, to find the door…Well, first you have to die in your dreams."
"Leo…StOP, " her voice was shaky but evened out, "you just have an over active imagination."
"It's my home, " Leo said.
"In a galaxy far away? " the mother said smirking slightly.
Leonid did not get the sarcasm. He nodded again.
"Could it have been Earth? "
Leonid had tears in his eyes as he closed them. He shook his head. He tried to sleep. He was terrified to fall asleep, but he didn't have any idea why. He didn't know about dream catchers and I'm not talking about those Native Americans things you hang next to your bed.