It Can't Be Poem by hazel jackson

I went from being on what i called a rollercoaster of emotional, dysfunctional relationships full of toxicity, broken promises, mental abuse, and dead ends. Having my heart played with and tost around from one unstable, broken human being to the next.
Then amongst my journey for love i found you, you came in like a cool breeze unexpected but needed right into my life, giving me more than what i could ask for and just what i needed in the moment Understanding, patience, guidance, help mentally, physically and emotionally. You woke my world up and i wasn't even aware that it was on snooze control
my life and yours started to collide and we started to become one, but this away game was last to sort amongst life's everyday trials and tribulations soon i knew i would be in your arms and we would be able to touch and this life i thought could never be real will be more realistic than the tears i cried over the spilled milk of my past encounters. Blindsided this journey god placed me on suddenly felt like he wasn't blessing me but playing a game with me with my heart and feelings and so everything i went through with you started to fall on me... heavy like a drowning stone causing my heart to leak but leaving no stain to see just a trail of salt water burning the open wounds of my skin as it cascades down and over my body, covering me, until i was so far down under it i had to look up to see the bottom. Now numb to what i use to think was made for me, to what i thought was what i always wanted but would never get, i know i had it good so good it became a never-written but very personal fairytale, a story with pages that cut deeper than a self-harmers razor blades on her darkest days. it even ran deeper than my families bloodline... it traveled farther than my ancestors could even fathom to remember when it came to matters of the heart...my heart now hurt differently, it beat to a silent tune no words from my lips to your ears could ever explain what i was now living right here, right now in this small space in time.im realizing now that what we both were so ready for, patiently working our way up to, preparing for IT CANT BE, and this..this hurt me more than i thought it ever could. You were right for me but suddenly it became too good to be real or considered true.