Letting Herself Love You Poem by Maya Reid

She’s never seen a relationship that works
So you can’t blame her for not believing in love
For not allowing herself to be in love
For not letting herself fall
“Fall”
Like she’s degrading herself
Letting herself down
Because to her,
That’s all love is –
Pain interspersed with brief pinpoints of joy
She measures love in units of pain
And if she gives herself to you
No matter how many times you tell her
That you’ll love her forever
She can’t help but think that all love ends
And that nothing lasts forever
All things change
And not for the better
People change
Times change
Change is the only thing she can depend on
So the concept of “forever”
Instills in her so much fear
When you tell her that you love her
And, although you really mean it,
Images flash through her brain
Not of happy futures
But of painful pasts
The image of her mother
Crying alone on the kitchen floor
The image of the pistol
In her father’s hand
The sounds of their fighting
The sounds of her sobbing
She is broken
Haunted by the screams and sobs
She runs her hands over the scars
From the beatings she received
Because she was
“Loved”
So when she tells you she just wants to be your friend
Know that deep down, she really loves you
And she is afraid
That even someone as perfect as you
Could break her fragile, cracked heart
If she lets you inside
The brick wall could crumble
She wants to be your friend
Because friendship is a different kind of love
The kind where more than your bodies are joined
The kind that can last
Dare she say it
Forever.