Looking Back Poem by Simon Lawson

Looking Back

Looking back has never been so easy
but the bottom drops out from under me
A discerning,
soft but deadening wool
clogs my arteries and stops my veins
creeps up inside my trachea
to think
that I'll look back to now
with the same yearning
and remorse

Looking back has never been so easy
To smile at my own beauty
From the nook of my cheekbones
to my lean brown wrists
carried by the slightest frame

To live now
In this form
is to be the caterpillar
after fluttering and dancing
in the wind as a butterfly

And when I think
back to what I was
and what I am
the wool creeps further
and slowly

I fear the memory of being a butterfly will fade
Ignorant I will become
to the light I once possessed
And the life I could lead

The wool creeping ever up
into my brain
veiling my eyes
dimming my memories
looking back has never been so hard

I don't want to be a caterpillar
I want to fly and soar and thrive
but the wool has numbed my fingers now
and no more can I write.