Love Beggar Poem by kyana c

I wish my father gave me the love I needed as a child
So I wouldn't have to go through such lengths to find it
My dad abandoned me and now I fall in love with people
Who do too

Male validation is the only thing I crave
It runs through my blood and veins
And now I'm a slave
A slave to love
And to men who will not love
At least not me

I want to be seen
I'm tired of chasing men who will hurt me in the end
Because that's all they have been wired to do
And I say wired because they are not human
Humans have morals and understandings for one another
Men do not
They will drive you mad and then to the ward
They will see you happy and turn u hurt
They will strip you of all things you
And drop you off at the corner on a cold night
With nothing but your cigarette light
Until u too are as cold as ice

But I still love
I am obsessed with the aching
Hurt me
Hurt me emotionally and verbally
Hurt me so bad to where I can physically feel it
I am already insane

U get off on hurting
And I am addicted to being hurt

I'll let you use me, lie to me, cheat on me
While I love you with every inch of my body
Because I deserve everything u do to me
And u deserve all the love I give
Don't pity me or say you're sorry

I know what I am doing
Yet I see how it could be a little confusing
U see when you've been hurt so many times
You grow used to it
Like party girls with their lines
I'm afraid to admit

But you soon connect love with hurt
And hurt with love
Because u know no better
Now you're listening to Norman fucking Rockwell
And are known as the love beggar.