Man Gave Names To All The Animals Poem by Brother Jonathan Gardner

God lined all the animals in front of man,
And proclaimed that Adam could,
Nay, Adam should,
Give names to all creatures, both great and small.
And so he did. Maybe not wise,
But certainly, wonderful.

The nearest animal was long and clammy,
It hissed and was a coil,
And travelled by sliding sideways in the soil.
But what do I call you, whom I first saw?
Adam thought for a moment! I know. You will be called, 'Mother in-law'.

And so to you, large, grey, rotund one.
You shake the ground when it's touched by your toes,
And you have a rather elastin, long, malleable, ‘enquiring’ nose.
Adam thought for a while, and then said with a shout.
In your hefty presence one should be careful, and so you shall be called, 'Look out! '

And now you, my ugly and be-shelled slimey thing.
You crawl so slow, and emit mucus like snot.
And you're cold and unlovable; gainly you're not.
Hmmm. Adam pondered and let out a 'tut'.
Lifting his feet, Adam named it, 'Crunchy-under-foot’.

So now to you, with nose so wet.
And a wagging end,
My loyal friend.
But what name does your body infer?
Adam mumbled. Henceforth. you'll be known as a 'Crotch-sniffer'.

And what about you, so high up there.
Jumping from tree to tree,
So quickly, precisely, so care-free!
All hairy, with long arms, and picking your nose, you swing so.
So I will call you, I will call you, ‘ooh-ooh’.

And you in that water.
It’s where you ought to be,
Your body is huge, and your legs so stumpy.
You wallow is mud; and in it, sit! Ofcourse.
I will call you, 'water-horse'!


[Brother Jonathan Gardner]
Copyright © ®2008, Brother Jonathan Gardner. All rights reserved.

Notes: A 'nonsense' poem, and an alternative take on Adam's naming of the animals in Genesis, in the Book. It's just a bit of fun. With apologies to Bob Dylan who had a song of the same title some years ago, but with much 'saner' lyrics.