Mis-Sold Poem by Mary Champion

2015

There's a rumour doing the rounds
that banks have made billions of pounds
selling products that few of us need -
exploiting we mugs for sheer greed.

In anger and righteous disgust,
wee bewail this betrayal of trust.
And, because we are all so dismayed
we demand compensation be paid.

But mis-selling is common to more
than banks and insurance. The Law
could surely apply, without fail,
any time there is something for sale.

If Tesco allows me to buy
a BOGOF of cakes, after I
have already consumed more than twice
times the calories said to suffice,
I should sue for the cost of the cakes
plus interest for my health's sake.

When I'm clearly as high as a kite,
because I've been drinking all night,
but the barman still sells me one more,
then, when I've sobered up I'll be sure
to demand an appropriate sum
in view of the damages done.

When I'm lured to the shoe shop that claims
huge reductions on world famous names,
and they sell me a couple of pairs
of seven inch heels, no one cares
that at home, I have dozens unworn
for they torture my bunions and corns.
In future I'll cancel my debt
and sue them for all I can get.

When the sales girl presumes to opine
that 'Madam is looking divine! '
But my mirror is quick to retort-
'it's too young. It's too tight' It's too short.
I'll feel like a fool, but take heart
that the lawyers will tear her apart.

Your second home may be desired,
but, honestly, is it required?
And the second car? That's much the same.
Why not take a chance - make a claim?
Buying those things that you don't use or need
will mean that your income can be guaranteed.