Mourn You Poem by Jay Barnz

I miss you
The cruel sick you
And I know it's my disorder making me miss you
Sat here sick with you telling me to rest instead of do sit ups
Fuck you
Fuck you and your fucking recovery
How dare you
You fucking prick
How dare you act all high and mighty
How dare you preach your bullshit recovery
Weighing half of me and telling me I'm small enough
Fuck you
I miss when you were real with me
When id cry reading your critiques
I fell in love with you
That cruel sick version
Calling me names and ordering my starvation
I understand that you want to recover
I want you to be happy
But i mourn the sick you
Not your sick body
Your sick mind
I mourn that man
Making me puke while giving me praise
Now youre better
And you left me here
You showed me how to puke then you left me in the bathroom
You told me that saltwater would make me gag
Do you remember that?
We starved together
We sobbed together
I am in love with you
I tell you daily
Do i disgust you
Im sure i do
My stretchmarks read unlovable
Maybe i can use that as my motivation
The lack of reciprocated love rather than your outward critiques
Maybe i need to weigh less than you
Maybe i need to die of this hunger
Maybe then you'll miss me the way i do you
Maybe then you'll mourn me too