My God Poem by Vinko Kalinic

by Vinko Kalinić

When I look for You
I don't look
at the sky
heaven is the shelter
of the cowards

escape and the excuse

when I look for You
I don't go
to the temple
in there,
they made You
into a merciless killer

merchant and usurer

scarecrow
for people

when I look for You
I run away
from all rules
customs
laws and forms

all of that
made sorrowful people
out of
their own fear

when I look for You
I don't fear
the Hell
vengeance and punishment
nor I bid
on the salvation
of my soul

if I'm sure
of anything
then I know
You are the one
who governs
from the other side
of fear

when I look for You
I don't think
about o tome
who's what
who was before
and who was after
nor who does
know You
according to what legend

when I look for You
I sit in the park
on the bench
or on some bare stone
-
regardless in
what city I am!
-
and I listen
how the life flows

when I look for You
I get down
and I mix with people
observing
and browsing
through their faces

big ones
small ones
unusual
every day ones
shallow
deep ones
foggy
clear ones
real
imaginary ones

all our secrets
are written on them

all our sacraments
are hidden in them

turning through
their shadows
every one hides
some faith

I putter through
their wrinkles
every one of them hides
some disappointment

I turn through
and reed
like gauzy
pages
of some large
and sacred
book

when I look for You
I always find
thousands of your photos

and on every one of those
You are totally different

and on every one of those
You are sincerely the same

one
and mutual

when I look for You
I don't look for answer
there is no
sealed destiny

in every one of us
are implanted
fate
and salvation

every one of us
was created
to be
the creator
of his own falls
and his own growth

the biggest truths
hide
in the detail

when I look for You
I look for
only
new
opportunity
a chance
and a reason
to create a sense
out of nonsense

from nothing
to create
something

to be
similar
to You

to fulfil
the will
of the Mission

when I look for You
I only want
that the whiteness of the paper
(which) You gave me
stays always
flawlessly
clean
and that it
doesn't have
neither mine
nor anyone else's
blood

when I look for You
I know
that on this world
I'm not alone

although I am
one
and unique

when I look for You
I look for someone
whom I will give
with whom I will share
complete me
to be born
new again

but then
when You
are not here
I know
You are
that
Light
pure
at the beginning
and at the end
of the way

warm thought
which warms up
equally
all
four sides
of the world

but in vain those
who trade
with Your
dead body
and like, at the market
redeem
and sale
human souls
I know
my God,
you can't buy him
and He is not for
sale

when I look for You
I don't know
who You are

every time You are
someone else

and different

thousand names
people
gave You

and everyone
prays to You
or curses You
only
in some
their own way

but
I know
that You exist

I feel
that You are

that You are the reason
of my sorrow
and my happiness

exactly the same
like this
anxiety

totally real

like this
hope

written
in the sacrament
of my own
soul